In this episode we are going to be talking about communicating for connection. This episode is brought to you by my Goal Setting Guide, it is a FREE guide that you can download. The link is at the end of this blog. It is going to help you refine your goals and set them in such a way that they will be achievable and you will actually see success.
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In this episode, we are going to be talking about communicating for connection. Now, what do I mean by this ? I mean using your words and using your communication skills to engage people, to connect with them on a meaningful level so that they will actually want to follow you and engage with you.
So what are the four steps to communicating for connection ?
Know why it is important to Connect through Communication
Before we get into the 4 tips, I want to talk about why it is so important to connect with people when you communicate. Our language and our use of communication has to be more than just disseminating information or communicating what we want people to hear or want people to do. Communicating has to be about building relationships. The reason why this is important to understand is because people will not take what you are saying seriously or act on it with any kind of conviction if they haven’t bought into you as a person.
You really need to learn to communicate in a way that causes people to buy into you. If you can do this, they will take what you say seriously, they will want to act on what you say and they will want to follow you in the direction that you are leading them. This is why you need to communicate in a way that is going to engage people positively so that they want to follow you in a meaningful way.
So what are the four steps to communicating for connection ?
1. Learn to talk with people, not at people.
Here are four tips on how you can connect while you are communicating. The first one is this, learn to talk with people not at people. Now, this is a skill that I had to develop because I tend to be a fairly pragmatic get-down-to- business type of person. A lot of my conversations with people day to day would often be just straight to the point, “Hey can you do this for me or I need this done by this time.” I would lead with my request rather than leading with an interest in the person. My emails and text messages can be like this as well. I can tend to be very direct and say “Hey can you do this for me or have you done this for me?” When I do this, I just talk at the person about what I need.
Something that I have had to train myself to do over the years and have seen it help me immensely, is I have learnt to lead with an interest in the other person. For you pragmatic types out there, I know chit chat and small talk may be frustrating for you. You may feel that this is annoying and counterproductive but it makes a huge difference when you are trying to engage and connect with the people that you lead.
Lead with an inquiry about them, “Hey how are you doing or were you able to finish that task that you were working on?” Inquire about what they are going through or what they are experiencing. Do not assume that everybody drops everything just because you walked in the room. Assume that they have tasks and they have things that they are trying to get done as well and so lead with an interactive conversation rather than a direct straight to the point comment that implies, “I am the one that is talking and you are the one that is listening”.
If you just take a moment to ask them how they are, just a small interaction will invite them into a two-way conversation and they will be more willing to listen to and act on the communication that you need to give them. So do not talk at people, talk with people and you will find that they connect and engage with you a lot better.
2. Get them talking about themselves.
The second thing is this, get them talking about themselves. What I find is that if you can just take a few minutes to get people talking about themselves in any kind of conversation rather than leading with talking about yourself, this is a very powerful way of building relationships. The second point is slightly different to what I said in the first point. The first point is just leading with an inquiry about how they are doing, being friendly. This one is more about when you sit down with people and you are trying to actually build connections.
So when you are trying to build a connection, what you need to do is ask them, “How did you go on the weekend, what did you do?” One of the things I try to do every day when I am in the office is, I take a moment to walk around and greet all of my staff and just pause. I sit down in their office and ask them what’s been going on, I inquire about them. I take the time to talk about what is important to them before I get on with the task of the day or having a meeting. Start meetings by just going around the room and saying, Hey tell me about your day, what was good about this week?”
Let people talk about themselves. It is a really good way of getting them to engage with you and connect with you. If you get into the habit of doing this on a daily basis or whenever you are interacting with your team you will find that they actually value you for that.
3. Do not assume that everybody understands what you have said and agrees with you.
Number three is this, when you do communicate do not assume that everybody understands what you have said and agrees with what you have said. Take the time to ask for their feedback or their interaction on what you have said. So if you have given a direction, then ask, “Did you understand what I was asking you to do? Is there anything I need to clarify, is there anything that I need to provide for you to be able to do this job effectively?” That is something I ask my team all the time. “Is there any responsibility that I must take to make sure the job gets done?” I also ask for their opinion. Give them the opportunity to talk.
When you give people the opportunity to talk they won’t always say anything, they won’t always open up to you but what you are doing is developing a culture where you communicate to your team that it’s safe to disagree, to have an opinion and to give you feedback. If your team feels safe to give you feedback and safe to disagree they will actually be more open with you, more transparent and more willing to go along with what you are asking them to do.
4. Ask lots of questions
The fourth thing for communicating with connection is this: ask lots of questions. If somebody is talking to you about what they are engaged in or what they are having trouble with, don’t be too quick to respond. Do not jump in with an answer but instead ask lots of questions. Try to understand what they are going through, try to understand the motivation behind what they are saying or what they are doing. Try to understand the things that may be frustrating or causing them difficulty. If you can take the time to ask questions you will actually show them that you care about them and you care about what they are going through and you will find that they are more engaged and more connected to you through that process.
So these are four ways that you can communicate for connection, which is really important when you are leading. I hope that was really helpful for you.
Don’t forget, if you want to learn more about leadership, check out our course “Leading for Success.” The link will be in the description below.If you would like to learn more about effectively growing in your leadership, why not check out our FREE Goal setting guide. See below for details. https://leadcommunicategrow.com/free-goal-setting-guide/
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