Today we are going to be talking about assertiveness, in particular how to be assertive while still being empathetic and compassionate. 

One of the traits of being a good leader is to be able to stick to your guns, to be able to operate with confidence and say, “No” when you have to say “No”. There are ways in which you can do this that are beneficial to the relationships of the people that you lead and there are ways that you can damage those relationships. So really, assertiveness is about balancing the need to stick to your guns, the need to be confident and the need to say “No” when necessary and still maintain a relationship.

You do not want to ever let your assertiveness become domination, aggression or bullying because that is not the same thing. You never want your assertiveness to come across in a way that damages relationships because relationships underpin your success as a leader. 

Prefer to watch the video, Click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p21UQepxQP8

So what are four areas in which you need to use assertiveness? How can you do it in a way that is compassionate and empathetic but still be able to stick to your guns?

1. Be Confident and Decisive

The first thing is this, if you want to roll out a new idea or give a directive or cast a vision, use language that is confident. Use language that is definite but still be open to the input of others. So what I mean by that is this, for example I will say, “This is the direction in which I believe we should head and this is the change I believe we should make. Here are the reasons why I believe that, but I would also like to get your thoughts on how you feel about it”. So you are being very clear and very precise about where you want to go but you are also leaving the door open so that others feel that they have a place to speak and a place to respond.

If you lead with hesitation and if you lead with language like, “I am thinking we might go down this track but I am not really sure, I just wanted to get your thoughts on the matter,” what you may find is that the lack of confidence or your hesitation will lead to a myriad opinions and make it very difficult for you to come to a decisive decision. You may also find that, if you have a decision that you want to implement but struggle to get it across to your team because you were so hesitant in the beginning, then nobody really takes it seriously.

So that is the first tip; be confident and be decisive in the way that you speak about direction, change or vision but also leave the door open for feedback.

2. Listen with Humility 

The second thing that is tied to the first is, you need to be prepared to listen with humility. When somebody is giving you their feedback or their perspective, be open to it even if you feel really strongly about your decision. Be open, do not give them facial expressions or tones of voice that are dismissive or make them feel like their opinion does not matter or is not valued. Do active listening, ask questions for clarification and help them clearly state what they are trying to say. Check in to see if you have understood them, repeat back to them what they have said and ask if you have understood it correctly.

When you listen with humility, what you are saying is, I am open to hearing what you have to say and I am open to the possibility that my idea may not be the best idea. Be prepared to hear others out and to take on board everything they say.

3. Be Ok with Saying, “No”

The third tip is, be okay with saying “No.” There are going to be times when you will have to say, “No”. You may hear somebody out but you know for the benefit of the company and those that are involved in the decision, saying “No” to somebody’s opinion or somebody’s feedback has to happen and it is ok. Sometimes leaders fear saying “No” because they do not want to be unpopular nor their team to dislike them, however, that is part n’ parcel of leadership.

Sometimes you are going to make decisions in which you won’t be popular and you won’t be liked. If you have good reason and you have taken the time to talk to people, you have taken the time to listen, get good advice and you have a strong conviction that this is the direction in which you want to go, then it’s okay to say, “No” to the others who have a different opinion. You don’t always have to say, “Yes” just to stay in the good books.

4. Address the behaviour, don’t attack the person

The fourth tIp is this; whenever you are saying, “No”  or  you are correcting somebody or have to speak to them with a little bit of assertiveness, you have to be very clear that you do not want that behavior repeating itself. Communicate that you do not want them behaving in a certain way. Always focus on the behavior, not the person. If you have to raise any kind of issues that are slightly confrontational or require you to be a little bit strong, confront the behavior, don’t confront the person. Do not go into personal attacks or statements which sound accusatory of the person but focus on the behavior and the outcomes of that behavior.

For example, say,  “When you did this and it resulted in this outcome, this is how I felt, this is the impact it had on other people, please do not do that again.” So the focus is on the behavior and how it affected everybody else rather than saying, “Why did you do that? You’ve messed things up!” Don’t attack the person, just talk about the problem. Be precise about it but also be compassionate and empathetic. Understand that nobody likes to be on the opposite side of being told that they have done the wrong thing. However sometimes it is necessary. There are ways that you can do it without breaking that relationship or putting people off-side. 

So that is how to use assertiveness in four four different ways. You need to be strong, confident and say things that are not always popular, but you can do it in a way that is compassionate and understanding of the people you lead and not damaging to the relationship in the process. 

I hope that was really helpful for you. Leave a comment and let us know how we are doing and if you have got any questions or you would like us to tackle a particular topic, let us know and please share it with somebody you think will benefit from this.

If you would like to learn more about effectively growing in your leadership, why not check out our FREE Goal setting guide. See below for details.

https://leadcommunicategrow.com/free-goal-setting-guide/

5 Steps to Set Goals that Work