In this episode I am going to be looking at how you can work with difficult people; in fact what I am going to share with you is the secret for dealing with difficult people effectively.
I am going to show you three techniques that are going to help you win over difficult people, build positive strong relationships with them and have them excited about going in the direction that you want to go in.
Prefer to watch the video ? Click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bse0wvgCtmM&t=1s
So what is this secret for dealing with difficult people ?
This secret works with everybody, it is not just for difficult people, it is for anybody that you have a relationship with. Whether it is somebody you lead, your superior, your colleague or even your spouse, your children or extended family members. This secret is effective. In his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie talks about the secret of dealing with people. What he says is that there are some fundamental traits in human beings that show that we have needs. If our needs are not met, then we feel dissatisfied and do not always perform at our best. Some of these fundamental needs are health, food, sleep, money, understanding the meaning of life, sex or relationships and the well-being of our children.
Many of us might be aware of those needs in our own life and have made steps to make sure that those needs are met in ways that help us to feel balanced, satisfied or content but Dale Carnegie highlights that there is one aspect of our life that is often overlooked. This could possibly be the simplest thing to implement when you are dealing with other people and yet it is seldom talked about and very underestimated. It is the need to feel significant or important. To feel like we matter and are being noticed.
Sigmund Freud said that “every person has a desire to be great. It is an inbuilt desire in all of us. What do I mean by “great?” It is a desire to be acknowledged, recognized and appreciated for what you do, whether it is being appreciated for your work, effort or who you are as a person. It is the desire to have a sense of importance or greatness, to have a sense that your life means something, that your life actually contributes to the greater fabric of society and the community that you work in.
If you can help the people that you lead feel a sense of importance and a sense of greatness, what you will find is that they are more willing to be inspired by you and they are more willing to be influenced by you. They are more willing to go in the direction that you need them to head in.
So how do you do this ?
I want to share three ways that you can help foster a sense of importance, greatness and well-being within the people that you lead.
1. Encouragement over Criticism
The first thing is this, use encouragement over criticism. Now it might sound like a small thing but it is actually a very powerful tool. Often as leaders, we become very good at identifying what people are doing wrong. We are very good at calling out poor behavior or calling out substandard work. That might be necessary and it has its place but if that is the primary way that we interact with our teams and with our people then what you will find is that their sense of importance or appreciation diminishes over time. They stop trusting you as their leader and they have less inclination to want to go in the direction that you are trying to lead them.
The great Charles Schwab, who was the president of the US steel company in the 1920s, was the first man to be paid over a million dollars for his work. He was known for his ability to lead people well, to inspire them, to have them take on his causes and go in the direction that he was needing to go. When he was asked what his secret was to being able to manage people well he said this, “Encouragement. People want to be appreciated for what they do, they do not want to be criticized by their boss.” This man had such a significant influence on the steel industry and was able to shape much of that industry through the 1920s. The key, he said, to his success, was simply encouragement and appreciation.
Take the time to notice when your team is doing well and have done something good and actually say it out loud, acknowledge it, appreciate it. Tell them regularly, how much you appreciate them. Praise them specifically when you see them doing something that is really good. The more encouraging and appreciative you are of your team, the more important they will feel, the more valued they will feel and the more likely they are to go in the direction that you want them to go.
2. Give Opportunities
The second thing is this, give them an opportunity to show their expertise. Everybody in your team is an expert at something. They can contribute something that is valuable or they see as valuable and even if you do not see it as valuable or you see it as a much smaller part of the bigger picture, let them feel like what they do is significant.
One of the things that I have implemented in the organization that I lead is this; we have a Friday staff meeting but the meeting is not so much about me telling everybody what they need to know, it is more about them telling me about their week. They get to contribute no matter whether they are the social media person, one of my managers, pastors or whoever it is, everybody gets five minutes to contribute what they are doing as part of the organization because much of what they do is so separated from each other that they don’t often know the input that other people have.
To be able to share what they do with the team helps them say to each other,“Hey, I appreciate what you are doing”. “This is making a difference to our vision, mission and our organization as a whole.” So right from our youngest employees who are 18 and 19 years old, right up to our oldest employees who are in their 70s, we give them an opportunity to share or input about what their week has been like. They share their successes, some of their challenges or ask questions if they need to but that really makes them feel like they are valued and important.
When I have asked them on more than one occasion, “Do you find these meetings helpful?” every one of them says “Yes we love coming to these meetings, we love hearing about what each other is doing”. Give them a chance to share what they are doing, share their knowledge and expertise with the group and with yourself. Show an interest in it and they will feel more appreciated and more important.
3. Paint a Hope, Future and Vision
The third tip is this; help to paint hope and a future and a vision. Hope is the antidote to cynicism. One of my favorite leadership authors, Carrie Newhof says this, “If you have got people who are cynical, disheartened or perhaps disenchanted with what they do, having a sense of hope and vision for the future because it is the antidote to that”. So if you can paint a vision of what they are doing and how what they are doing contributes to a better future, to a bigger future, then you will inspire them. Help them to see themselves as part of the bigger picture. Everybody needs hope, everybody needs something to go after.
Hope is the fuel and energy for the soul, so if people have a sense that they are contributing to the bigger picture or to the mission, then help them to locate themselves within that. Show them how what they do, contributes to the bigger picture of what your organization or team is doing. Then they will have a sense of hope, a future and see what they are working towards.
Also help them to see their own futures. Many people do not see themselves beyond what they currently do. Help them to see what could be. Talk to them about the potential of where they could head if they wanted to. As you inspire hope or a sense of future, what you will find is people will get a greater sense of value and importance in their own life and in what they do. They will want to contribute more to the path that you are taking them on.
So these are three ways that you can actually help your team. The secret to dealing with difficult people is to instill a sense of greatness and importance in your people by using acknowledgement and appreciation. Give them a chance to share their expertise with the group and instill a sense of hope and vision for the future.
I hope that was really helpful. If you would like to dig deeper into this and other topics on leadership, why don’t you check out my course “Leading for Success”. I take a deep dive into the seven essential keys for leading well. Don’t forget my free “Goal setting guide for success” is also available. This guide will help you set goals that work and that you can achieve. If you have enjoyed this, share it with somebody that you think would benefit.
If you would like to learn more about effectively growing in your leadership, why not check out our FREE Goal setting guide. See below for details.
https://leadcommunicategrow.com/free-goal-setting-guide/
5 Steps to Set Goals that Work
