Increase your positive impact on others and watch your personal and professional success go off the charts.
If you’ve ever wondered how you can increase your positive impact on other people, then you need to learn how to become a person of influence.
In this post I want to give you tip 2 of four easy tips from John Maxwell’s teaching on becoming a person of influence that you can start applying straight away, to increase your positive impact on others. If you missed tip 1 go here >>>
2. Become a Nurturer of Others
Becoming a nurturer is two fold. First it is about showing others respect, regardless of if they deserve it or not. In a world where respect is so often withheld until others show respect to us, being a nurturer and showing respect to others even if they don’t deserve it will make you stand out like the proverbial sore thumb.
When you can show the people you work with, lead or work for that you respect them not for what they do for you, but because they are a fellow human being that deserves to be treated with value and dignity, people will respond to you positively.
The second aspect of being a nurturer s showing others that you genuinely care about them. Take an interest in their life, find out what’s important to them and how can you add value or show care to others without expecting anything in return.
With so many in life out for only what can benefit them, your genuine care respect of others will give you a level of influence and positive impact on others lives that you would have never believed possible before.
Most people start with the question what’s in it for me or what can you do for me? When you flip that and start asking how can I add value to you, people will respond with enthusiasm and genuine engagement to you. What’s more they will often respond in turn by wanting to assist you in what matters for you.
What’s one way you can show genuine respect and care to somebody in your sphere of influence. Share it in the comments below.
To make it easier for you to learn these tips, I have prepared a FREE tip sheet and 4 short videos that you can watch and start applying in your life immediately. Click here to access your FREE tip sheet and video teaching today and start becoming a person of influence.
If you would like to learn more about effectively growing in your leadership, why not check out our FREE Goal setting guide. See below for details.
Increase your positive impact on others and watch your personal and professional success go off the charts.
Have you ever wondered how you can increase your positive impact on other people?
Maybe you’re trying to get a promotion but can’t seem to get anyone to notice. Perhaps you’re a manager and you’re struggling to connect with your team or you’re a leader trying to inspire others but it just feels like pushing bricks up a hill.
The great John Maxwell says; Leadership is Influence, nothing more, nothing less. If you want to increase your impact on others, you need to learn how to become a person of influence. Everything else in your journey of leadership and personal development pivots off this core principal…
Become a person of influence and you will see your personal and organisational success go off the charts… I guarantee it!
Managers will see their employees respond with new enthusiasm
Coaches will see players/clients blossom
Salespeople will break records
Leaders will reach more people
Parents will connect with their children on a deeper level
To help you increase your positive impact on others I have put together a FREE tip sheet and 4 short videos to get you started on your development of influence.
So how do you do it? Become a person of Influence?
Many a book has been written on the topic, so I’m not going to try and re-create them but for those of you just getting started in this realm, I want to give you four easy tips from John Maxwell’s teaching on the topic that you can start applying straight away, to increase your positive impact on others. You don’t have to be an expert, just pick one thing and start making the change..
1. Integrity.
The first key to becoming a person of influence is to become a person of good character and integrity. Integrity is choosing to do right even when nobody’s looking. Conducting yourself in a way that even if those around you are willing to; let it slide, over look the details, blur the line a little (“cos nobody cares or nobody will notice…”) choose to be the person that doesn’t.
Initially people around you may think you’re being a stiff or square, but very quickly you will start standing out, people will notice you for your high moral character and unwillingness to compromise on standards of integrity.
You will also begin to build trust with those around you. They will know they can count on you to do what you say you will do, when you say you will do it. No exceptions.
Start on the little things, the things that most people wouldn’t notice or even care about. As you develop the habit in the small stuff, you will find that it comes very naturally with the big stuff that everyone notices.
Become a person of integrity and watch your influence and respect with others increase.
What do you think? Comment below and tell me about one small area of your life that you think you can grow your integrity.
To make it easier for you to learn these tips, I have prepared a FREE tip sheet and 4 short videos that you can watch and start applying in your life immediately. Click here to access your FREE tip sheet and video teaching today and start becoming a person of influence.
This week I was a guest on the Changeability podcast hosted by Julian and Kathryn from Brilliant LIving HQ. We had a fantastic chat about goals, why so many people struggle to achieve their goals and what you can do about keeping your goals on track.
Some of the topics we talked about were:
Why you can give up on your goals so quickly
How important mindset is to achieving your goals
How to stay on track, re-engage or maintain enthusiasm and motivation to achieve your goals
How to learn from your failures
The value of short term, measurable, incremental goals to achieving your bigger vision for life
The satellite navigation (GPS) goals analogy
Why the SMART goals acronym is helpful if it’s helpful to you
The stuff psychologists are talking about now to retrain our minds
The link between self-esteem and goals
The mistakes we make around money goals
Turning what helps you grow into a habit
And more ?
If you would like to learn more about effectively growing in your leadership, why not check out our FREE Goal setting guide. See below for details.
I was recently interviewed by Dave Jackson from the School of Podcasting. What was planned to be a conversation about becoming a person of influence turned into much more. We ended up talking about a range of helpful topics for start-ups and entrepreneurs. Some of the other topics we covered were; goal setting, maintaining motivation and avoiding burnout. It was a great chat and David also has some very helpful tips on podcasting if you’re that way inclined. You can listen to the interview here. Play Interview >>>
Below is Dave’s summary of our conversation. You can check out Dave’s blog here.
Avoiding Burnout
When you lose hope it’s a very dark place to be and want to quit. Business without purpose can lead to you throwing in the towel. We look at where we want to be, and then look at where we are, and instead of feeling gratitude for what you have, you get discouraged. You have to value your current situation so your attitude can stay positive and allow you to make it to the next step. An App that Dave has been using is Gratitude Journal .
Take A Look At Yourself
Look at last year and figure out what worked, and what could be done better. What experiences help you grow more? When we develop small habits they can lead to giant success.
Goals
Be sure to have specific goals, and make sure the goals push you out of your comfort zone. Make sure they are realistic. Instead of focusing on the goal, focus on the actions that will lead to achieving the successful goal.
Instead of focusing on our stats, focus on the actions that will lead to more downloads.
Anything of value takes time and effort. A garden of weeds takes no time or effort. Your successful podcast will require time and effort, but it will be worth it.
Becoming a Person of Influence
Operate with integrity
Help other people, and deliver value.
Listen to people, and be interested in other people.
Let me know what you got out of the podcast. Comment below. Share it with a friend you think needs to hear it.
Recently Dr. Jin from Healthy Positive Lifestyle Podcast interviewed me about setting New Year’s resolutions and goal settings. We had a fascinating conversation covering a whole range of reasons about why 92% of people don’t stick to their New Year’s resolutions and only 8% ever realise their goal setting for the new year.
If you, like many have been setting goals for the coming year and wondering how you can ensure you actually stick to them this year. Have a listen to our conversation and then download the FREE resources to help you get the most out of your goal setting and New Year’s resolutions in 2016.
Now it’s your turn: Action steps
Share with a friend who you think needs help in this area
Comment below; share with me one of your goals for this year and the steps you are going to take to make sure you achieve it.
If you would like to learn more about effectively growing in your leadership, why not check out our FREE Goal setting guide. See below for details.
Why avoiding pain might be holding you back and how learning to push through will set you up for success…
I’m a teacher by profession and, one of the most disturbing trends I have observed among students today is their aversion to attempting or pushing through anything that might appear remotely difficult or challenging. On an almost daily basis I would get call outs (as the Behavior support teacher) to attend children who had run out of the classroom…
Why?
“…because I didn’t want to do the work…” or “it was too hard so I didn’t want to try it…”.
All too often I will ask; “Did you look at it? Did you have a go? Did you ask for help?” and the answer is almost always the same; “No! I just know it’ll be hard so I’m not going to try…”
No, I don’t blame the children, I believe children are a product of the environment they are raised in. Sadly we have school systems and parents that seem totally committed to helping children avoid all pain or discomfort at any cost. Tragically though, children raised in this way frequently turn into adults that are equally unwilling to do the work required to achieve their dreams or be the best they could possibly be.
The simple fact of life is; life is challenging. Period! To achieve anything in life always requires a level of pain, discomfort and adversity while you’re developing the expertise to reach your goal. Just ask any athlete, musician or academic who is at the top of their game how much “work”, “effort” and “determination” had to go into getting them to the top.
If you have dreams and goals to achieve beyond your present place in life then it’s going to take some persistence to push through the pain of learning. It’s not a question of if you will experience adversity, it’s how you face it that will determine your success in the end.
5 tips for overcoming achieving through adversity:
Often the biggest blocker to pushing through the pain of learning is first knowing where you’re heading and taking the first step. Unless you have somewhere to aim then understanding the purpose and point of your challenges will be lost.
What sort of person do you want to become? What do you want to achieve? Hold that in your mind when the challenge of getting there becomes too much.
Often the fear of failure can prevent us from ever taking the first step. Find one task you can do to move you forward towards your goal. Never starting is always worse than having a go and failing.
Don’t try do it all in a day. Just take one step closer, then another, then another…. soon your stride will become more confident if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
3. You don’t have to like it, you just have to do it!
It’s the daily grind, personal discipline, practice and time spent in repetitious training that takes you forward. You don’t have to like it, but to achieve, you have to learn how to stay committed to it. I’m not a morning person but I realized that to move to the next level in my development I had to become one. So every morning when that alarm goes off at 4:45am, I remind myself why I’m doing it and what the reward will be at the other end. I also give myself a small reward for getting out of bed each day; I make myself a cup of chai.
Keep your goal in focus, remind yourself of the reward at the other end of the pain and give your self a small achievable reward for turning up each day. Very quickly it will become habit and you will start doing it with out a thought.
Check out this video: The life of an Entrepreneur in 90 seconds. It illustrates this point well.
Set-backs, losses, and disappointments are a given in any endeavour. They can either become a tombstone and cause you to give up or your can learn, regroup and keep going. Those who learn from their setbacks almost always come through stronger than before. Life is learning and growth is pain.
3 simple questions that can help you process and learn from setbacks are:
What went wrong? Stop doing it
What did I do well? Keep doing it
What could make it better next time? Try something new
Too often people give up on their dreams just before they have a break through. It’s frequently the case that those who succeed weren’t better than the others they started with, they just hung in long after everyone else quit.
Yes, you need to know when to quit sometimes, but it is equally important to know when to keep going. Find where your Passion, Skill, Income and the Needs of Others align. It is there you will find you purpose. Stay in that zone and keep going. If the activity takes you out of that zone, re-adjust. If you’ve just hit a rough spot but you’re still in your sweet spot, don’t quit!
Your Turn:
Share your story or tips for overcoming adversity in the comments below
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Thanks for reading, I look forward to reading your replies.
Need Help? If you’d like help to clarify your direct and map out a plan to reach your goals, book in a FREE coaching session with me. I’d love to help you get on your path to success.
If you would like to learn more about effectively growing in your leadership, why not check out our FREE Goal setting guide. See below for details.
Years ago a psychologist named Viktor Frankl stood up to Sigmund Freud. Freud was believed; what humans wanted most in life was pleasure. But Frankl believed humans weren’t seeking pleasure as much as they are seeking a deep sense of meaning. In fact, he went on to say “When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.”
“When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.” -Viktor Frankl
Pleasure orients us around our selves, purpose and meaning orients us around others and God. Not everything in life has obvious meaning but everything can be meaningful. It’s all in the way we view our lives, relationships and experiences. Frequently we derive meaning from our pleasure. If we enjoy something, it makes us happy, makes us feel good about ourselves, we can invest our energy in it. It is worth our effort.
Pleasure orients us around our selves, purpose and meaning orients us around others and God.
We have cliches that reflect this sentiment too: Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life… If you’re really in love it won’t feel like hard work… If there is really a God who loves us then why does he let so many bad things happen…
The problem with all of these cliches or questions is all of them find their purpose and value in our own sense of pleasure. In reality however,we don’t always love the jobs we do, sometimes they are mundane and unfulfilling. Good relationships are hard work, they are not like a hollywood movie and yes I’ll say it; bad stuff does happen to good people, and it sux! If our only measure of meaning and value in life is our own pleasure then we will sell ourselves short every time.
If our only measure of meaning and value in life is our own pleasure then we will sell ourselves short every time.
So what happens when we find ourselves in a job that we never dreamed of, we don’t enjoy and it feels meaningless…
What happens when we the warm fuzzies of our relationships wear off and we find ourselves needing to put in effort to make them work.
What happens when the child you have poured your life into throws it back in your face and doesn’t show you the love and respect that perhaps you deserve or desire…
What happens when it seems like God hasn’t heard your prays, life is going pear shaped and you’ve never felt more alone and abandoned…
Lets be honest, life is not all mountain top experiences. Life has valleys, life has hard times, life can just down right suck sometimes.The question we need to ask is not if this is worth our effort but rather, can life still have meaning and purpose even when things don’t feel right, even when it’s not the way we hoped? Can our relationships, home, work, life have meaning even when they don’t feel the way we had hoped?
This is an easier proposition to write about than to practice but here is 3 ways that I have found to help find meaning in these sort of situations. 3 tips to find meaning in the mundane, painful or disappointing moments of our lives:
We needn’t ask; is this worth my effort? rather ask; can it still have meaning when it doesn’t end the way I hoped?
We live in a world where so many measure their happiness by what stuff they have or what pleasures they can fill their life with, yet as the ancient writer Paul writes in Thessalonians,we should give thanks in all circumstances. Not just the fun times, not just when we are getting our own way, but even when life is going badly. Even when things don’t work out the way we hope.
Funny things happens when you express gratitude in the face of disappointment, you gain perspective of your situation. When you become grateful for what you have, political budget cuts don’t look so worrying against the back drop of thousands of women and children fleeing war by walking across deserts for for 3 weeks to find safety. Changes to health care are not as concerning when I remember that tonight 20,000 children will die of preventable disease in non developed countries. As the poem Desiserata says “…for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” There is always those who will have more and have less than us. When we foster a sense of gratitude about everything we have in our lives rather than what we don’t have, our circumstances no longer rule our happiness. We cease to be governed by our pleasures but are governed by a sense that despite what we don’t have we are blessed.
“…for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” – Desiserata
When we work or have to make choices that seem difficult, ask yourself who you’re working for. Who you are making choices for?
The ancient wisdom of Phil 2:3-8 says Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others…
When we find ourselves in places that we feel are not what we hoped for or have to make decisions that don’t mesh with our personal sense of pleasure says, seeing our perspective in light of others rather than ourselves, can bring meaning where our feelings may steer us wrong. Not everything decision in life should be about our own personal happiness. Sometimes we need to consider how our choices will impact the people in our lives. Sometimes staying for the sake of others well being can be better than going for the sake of our own feelings. In those moments of selflessness we can find true meaning and purpose for our own selves.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
Regardless of where you land on the whole question of weather God exists, I have found that a commitment to something/someone bigger than myself has a way of shifting how I perceive the meaningfulness of the everyday. I personally have a strong conviction and trust in the God of the Christan and Jewish scriptures. Who that is for you is your job to figure out but I do believe that while work, in and of itself, doesn’t always have meaning or purpose, when it is viewed in the context of a purpose bigger than ourselves, the seemingly meaningless can flourish.
Commitment to something/someone bigger than self has a way of shifting how we perceive meaning in the everyday.
As we let go of the reigns of control that are driven by our own desires and allow ourselves to view life as an opportunity to be God’s love or provision for others, the mundane becomes loaded with meaning. The painful becomes purposeful.
As we let go of our desires for self the mundane becomes loaded with meaning. The painful becomes purposeful.
If there was any doubt this week (it got warm again!), last week’s cold snap well and truly confirmed that winter has arrived in the Southern Hemisphere, and to top it all off our heater packed it in on the coldest week of the year. I suppose it shouldn’t come as any surprise, winter comes every year at the same time. While it never really gets seriously cold here in Brisbane, getting out of bed on a cold morning is not any easier.
I find life’s often like this. There are seasons that feel like winter. Productivity slows down, we might not be able to do what we wish we could and getting out of bed each day is plain tough.
Like the seasons, we don’t always get a say in the places we find our lives in, but there are some thing’s we can do to make it more enjoyable.
It’s never a question of if winters will come, it’s how you handle the winter that counts.Share on Twitter
4 tips for navigating the winters of our life.
Before I get into them I want to acknowledge that these four tips are not my own thoughts but have been adapted from a business management book called Fish,by Stephen C. Lundin, Harry Paul and John Christensen. It’s a really easy read and I highly recommend it.
1. Choose your mood.
We can’t always choose our situations but we can choose the mood we take into each day. Approaching the day with an attitude of gratitude and thankfulness alters the way in which we handle the challenges we face.
Psalm 103:1-2 says Bless the Lord oh my soul and forget not his benefits. The writer is commanding himself to be thankful and focus on the good. Take the time each morning to examine your life and learn to acknowledge the things you can be thankful for, then make the choice to approach the day with a positive outlook.
We can’t always choose our situations but we can choose the mood we take into each day.Share on Twitter
2. Have Fun
It’s easy in winter seasons to get focused on the challenges, and miss the moments for enjoyment, fun. If you’ve ever watch children around snow in winter, you’ll know that they don’t look at the drudgery of cleaning the paths, or heating the house or how hard it is to get around. All they want to do is play in it and have fun. Sure there are responsibilities and you can’t muck around all the time, but if you can find ways to add some enjoyment or humour to your mundane tasks, the tasks start to feel less mundane. Ecclesiastes 5:18 says – find joy in all you do! Not everything is fun or enjoyable, but fun and joy can be found if we seek it.
Not everything is fun or enjoyable, but fun and joy can be found if we seek it.Share on Twitter
3. Make someone else’s day!
Prov 11:25 Those who bless others will be blessed, refresh and you will be refreshed!
I was on a ferry boat with my family once and I was asking myself how the ferry boat captain handled the mundane routine of his job. Same route back and forth, everyday. Almost as if he read my mind, he stopped the boat mid river and called my 5 year old son up the front to steer. All the passengers gasped in excitement as they watched this 5 year old boy have the experience of his life. They shared my son’s excitement, it put everyone in a great mood because the ferry boat captain made a little boys day. And I bet it broke up the mundane of his day too.
Find a way to give someone else a boost in their day, you’ll be amazed how much it can affect your day also.Share on Twitter
4. Involve others in your experience
The old saying; a problem shared is a problem halved, couldn’t be truer in challenging times but the opposite can also be true. Sharing your progress and experiences with others can also bring greater enjoyment and satisfaction. Human beings always do better with others than in isolation. It is prudent though to be wise about who you invite into your challenges. Choose friends, mentors, guides or coaches who will actually give wise counsel and even challenge you occasionally to keep perspective. Friends who just tell you what you want to hear are nice but are never really much help when you’re facing a challenge, they’ll usually tell you to stay in bed rather than get up.
Friends who just tell you what you want to hear are never really much help when you’re facing a challenge Share on Twitter
Proverbs 19:20-21 – Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand!
Winters aren’t always easy but they don’t have to be miserable. Go out and try these tips and let me know how you go. Lead well no matter where you find yourself.
If you would like to learn more about effectively growing in your leadership, why not check out our FREE Goal setting guide. See below for details.
I once read a story of a mexican zoo keeper who was cleaning out the elephant enclosure and made a fatal mistake of turning his back on the elephant. The zookeeper was just going about his job, doing what he always did, but suddenly found himself pinned by the elephant against the wall unable to escape. The elephant wasn’t angry or looking to hurt the zoo keeper, but just backed up in his pen. Because the zoo keeper forgot to face the elephant as he worked it ended up crushing him.
A bit gruesome I know, but I think it illustrates how life can sometimes. Life is messy, in life we experience pain, we cause pain and sometimes we have to deal with other people’s pain even when we don’t want to.
Pain, especially unresolved pain can become like the “Elephant in the Room.” you might try to ignore it, pretend its not there but it rubs up and bumps up against everything. It affects the way we talk to our kids, it taints the way we speak to our spouses and we even filter life experiences through pain. Often we find ourselves reacting to insignificant incidents with great emotional outbursts or overreactions because of the pain we filter our life experiences through. It shows up at special occasions and family get togethers and no matter how much we try to ignore it, it’s always there.
Pain is like an elephant in the room. It can crush you, trample you or become your greatest strength.
What can often make it worse is, resolving the situation may be beyond our control. Maybe the person that we have hurt or who hurt us, is now gone, and we’re left carrying the memory of the wound? Or perhaps you’ve tried to reconcile the situation but the other person in not interested in doing so. What do you do then? How do you learn to manage that sort of pain so that it doesn’t have such a huge impact on you?
4 things that I have found to help in these sort of situations are:
1. Name it
Admit the the pain you feel. Acknowledge that you might need some help. Ignoring pain or pretending it doesn’t exist is never a long term solution. Sooner or later the elephant will back up and overwhelm you.
2. Seek Wise Council
Be mindful about who you share you situation with and seek help. Friends are great but they are not always good at showing us our realities or giving us practical steps to move forward. Facebook is definitely not the place to seek help… just saying. A pastor, community leader or good counselor can always be a good place to start depending on the situation. Just speak with someone who is equipped to help you through your pain, not just listen to you complain about it.
3. Invite God into the situation
I truly believe the God is interested in seeing us find healing from our pain, but we can often be so busy trying to control our situation that we neglect to even acknowledge our need for God.
Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest…” (Matt 11:28)
4. Small Steps
Healing from emotional pain doesn’t come overnight, it takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. Take small realistic steps towards changing your situation. You can only eat an elephant 1 bite at a time. Don’t expect change to happen overnight, it seldom does and you’ll only be disappointed if you expect it to.
Facing the elephant in the room is never easy, but when we do, the pain we’ve experienced can often become our greatest strength. There is much more I have said on this topic in my sermon “Facing the Elephant in the Room”, that you can listen to here: http://thevinechurchlogan.podomatic.com/entry/2015-05-31T01_10_03-07_00
Let me know what you think. Is there anything you’ve done to face and heal from unresolved pain in your life? Feel free to tell me about it in the comments below.
Be brave and face your elephant, you’ll be glad you did.
If you would like to learn more about effectively growing in your leadership, why not check out our FREE Goal setting guide. See below for details.
Is there an area of your life that you would like to be greater in? A greater parent, greater spouse, greater colleague or even a greater boss? I am discovering that there is one simple thing all great leaders do that can take you from good to great in any area of relationship that you find yourself in.
I have a great friend named Troy. He is a consultant and coach in the finance sector and in my opinion he is exceptional at what he does.
We live in different states so don’t get to see each other very often. Once in awhile when we catch up for a weekend and I always come away from our time together with a clearer understanding of where I am in my current challenges and where I need to go to move myself forward in my various roles and responsibilities. I guess that’s why he is a great coach. But there is almost always this moment when I drive him back to the airport that I wonder if I ever stopped talking about myself through the whole weekend. I have to deliberately recount my time with him and ask, “did I actually spend any time listening to Troy and asking where he is at or was the whole conversation just about me?”
It’s not that I go out of my way to be self-centered, I actually try to be very aware of how much I listen when I am with others, but what I’ve started to realise is that the reason Troy is such a good coach and I always feel clearer for having talked to him, is not because of the advice he gives me or solutions he directs me towards, but it is because he is peerless in his ability to ask questions. Questions that delve beneath the superficial, questions that disarm and expose my motivations and weaknesses. Questions that get me talking and exploring myself and my circumstances in ways that I wouldn’t normally do on my own and I seldom do with others. There is no doubt that Troy is also an exceptional listener and that is probably why I find myself talking more than usual, but it is his questions that enable the conversation to flow in a way that is not usual in my many other interactions.
“Great leaders ask great questions” Andy Stanley
In a recent talk on his Leadership Podcast; Andy Stanley explored this topic suggesting that “great leaders ask great questions.” That great thing about questions says Stanley is that the right questions can expose motivation and intent, reinforce values, provide objectivity and inspiration and remove emotional immediacy from decision making.” For example, telling a child to clean their room can often be met with resistance, but asking “have you cleaned your room?”, not only emphasises your desire to have the room tidy, it also reinforces the value of cleanliness as important, without lecturing or putting the child on the defensive. The question also takes the emotion out of the discussion and allows the child to own their own choice in the required task. Questions like “Why haven’t you cleaned your room” or “didn’t I tell you to tidy your room?”, expose a desire on the parent’s part to be obeyed and listened to, but say little to nothing about the task itself. It opens the door to excuses and argument rather than achieving the desired result of getting the room tidy.
“Leading is not about being in charge, but is the ability to inspire others to be the best version of themselves.”
While it might be a simplistic example, this kind of questioning can apply to all sorts of areas in our life in which we find ourselves leading and relating to others. I’m not just talking about positions of authority either, we all lead someone. To lead is not just about being in charge, but it is the ability to inspire and motivate another person to be the best version of themselves. This goes well beyond positions of authority. Parents you can lead your families, young people you can lead your peers, employees you can lead your employers. And one of the best ways we can do this is to first learn the art of effective questioning and then lead ourselves.
What do I mean be lead ourselves? Stanley suggests an excellent starting point is ask yourself, “What would a great leader do?” You can even go further to personalise it and ask “What would a great _______ do?” What would a great husband do, what would a great father do what would a great friend do? While most of us, if we’re honest with ourselves, wouldn’t consider ourselves the “greatest” in whatever position we find ourselves, we often have a fairly good idea of what “great” looks like in our space. By daring to ask ourselves that question, Stanley suggests, we expose our own motivations and assess them against what we think a great leader would do. Asking “am I taking a course that is the best for everyone involved or am I just responding from my own fears, insecurities, or emotion?” This question also places our own personal reactions to conflict in the right context. If I am inclined to avoid conflict, then this question pushes me towards confronting it. If I am inclined to fire up with conflict and get off on the power of it, these types of questions can help to bring temperance and level headedness to my decision making. If the only types of questions I ask myself during times of challenge or hardship are “why me…” or “why did they…” we only end up getting stuck in a never ending loop of self. By asking what a great leader would do, we refocus the challenge outside of ourself and our own self defeat.
Asking what a great anything would do also pushes me beyond my comfort zone. It gives me a glimpse of what could be possible, rather than limiting me to my fears or areas of reluctance. It exposes my weaknesses and challenges me to step into a realm of possibility that, I can lead better.
Another thought I would add to this is, ask yourself who your role models are. When you ask, what would a great leader, parent, whatever do, who do you think of? Who springs to mind as a great example of who to take your cues from? Friends like Troy challenge me but also give me an example to shoot for. My faith is also a big factor and many of the characters in the bible (especially Jesus himself) provide great examples of what a great leader would do in a variety of situations.
I am a better leader, dad, husband, teacher and friend when I am brave enough to ask, what would a great _______ do? Troy is a fantastic coach, because he knows how to ask great questions. I am better for my time with him because he is teaching me to ask better questions of myself.
What questions are you asking of yourself. Are you asking questions that inspire you and the people around you to be the best of them/your-self or are you asking questions that come from a place of defeat, fear or insecurity? Tell me about the questions that you ask yourself to help you be a great, leader, parent, spouse or peer and also who your role models are…
If you want to unpack this more I encourage you to check out Andy Stanley’s leadership podcast. It is where I have gleaned my inspiration. Lead well, no matter where you find yourself!
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